He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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