Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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