you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize