He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
