Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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