wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
