Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
