remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Enjoy the penises
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
