Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
