she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize