I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
