There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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