I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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