Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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