She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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