I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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