Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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