12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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