God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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