I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
