I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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