Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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