Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
