watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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