We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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