life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
