Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
