It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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