sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
