i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
