I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
