Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
