shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
