my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
