he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
