My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
