But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
