he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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