Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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