He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
