I can text with my tongue
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
