I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
