Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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