We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
