If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
