ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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