i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
