I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
