We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
