i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
