Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
