I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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