Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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