I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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