grandma shit on top of the toilet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
