Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
