She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
