Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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