Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
