What did we do last night that was yellow?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
