Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
