And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize