i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
