Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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