i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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