he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
