The maid of honor just puked.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
