i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
