So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
