our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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