She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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