I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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