I hate all girls vehemently.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
