Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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