Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
