But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
