The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
