Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
