I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
