he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
