I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
