just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
