He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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