Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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